I am with you

Do not hide what's inside.

Fear is the beginning of a path you must not travel.

Truth will always find you out.

There is nowhere to hide.

Open up.

Free the life in you.

Let it truly live.

Feel the breeze as it caresses your fingertips.

Suddenly you don't feel so alone.

He is right here with you.

For so long your heart has longed for His embrace.

Your eyes for His beauty.

Your ears for His affirmation.

Your hand to be held by His.

It seems that time has past so quickly.

All this time you've been dreaming.

Filled with intrusive thoughts that interrupted the rhythmic movements of your mind.

All these questions suddenly answered.

Part of you wants to hold yourself back from this liberation of your soul.

The alluring beckoning of a common life surrendered to familiarity, becomes overwhelmingly severe.

Change is a funny complexity that entangles your thoughts with your emotions.

In the midst of all your struggle, in a still small voice.

He whispers, "Do not fear."

You suddenly feel unwavering fortitude against your fears.

The pull to take you away from His arms is so great.

But His love for you surpasses all understanding.

And His glory is beyond all comprehension.

Easily you feel alone and forgotten.

Stranded on an island of change surrounded by lives that are busy.

Fighting loneliness.

You reach out your hands to the sky.

He's reaching back.

"Fear not, I am with you."

Single

I really don't understand why he did this.

I thought for once it would actually be happening for me.

All this time waiting for the right guy to come a long and I'm getting the short end of the stick again.

Typical.

I'm oddly at peace with some of it.

Maybe I'm in denial.

I feel like it should hurt more than it is.

I have such a hard time trusting, opening up.

The moment I started too he just closed the door.

I know there is a big difference between being completely DONE and just waiting longer.

It's just waiting is really hard.

It's painful and it's definitely filling me with so many questions.

My heart is freaking out.

I don't know how to react and my feelings are numb.

My stomach has knots.

This is too much for me to deal with.

So close and he seems to be slipping through my fingers.

Here Lord, take it.

My mind is full of thought.

I truly cannot wrap my mind around this young lad who has entered my life.

He is seeming to be more and more awesome every time we talk.

It is still sinking in that he likes me.

Really, really likes me.

My heart races and butterflies dance in my stomach when I receive his messages.

I'm counting down the days until we can see each other at school.

But my head can't help but doubt, that this is for real.

My heart is too afraid to let him in.

Some day he won't be such a stranger to me.

But now, I'm just afraid of driving him away.

I want to be sure that he is truly what God wants for me right now.

That this developing relationship is of God.

Lord help me keep a clear mind.

Help me seek your truth in everything and that I focus on you even more.

I am in love with you God.

You alone have my heart.

Help me to not give it away to just anyone.

You have heard my cries and you see the ache in me.

God if this if from you, Lord...ease my worry.

There is nothing you do not see.

Nothing you cannot do.

Be with me now.

Lord I don't want to be one of those girls who falls for just anyone.

I am passionate about purity.

Passionate about you.

My heart leaps in joy for you are my everlasting King.

And you love me.

Help me to become a beautiful young woman of God.

Give me that deep unquenchable thirst for your presence.

For your truth.

I give this all to you God.

My everything.

Love, Michelle

Jesus

Sometimes in this life of mine, reality paints portraits of perfection.

But my fleeting mind runs a muck and implies lines of skewed complexion.

Tears fade from my eyes as the color of my fears take flight.

Sorrow has no place in my heart, for years of waisted bitterness and emotions that proved ill-equipped to satisfy the grumblings of my spirit.

The depths of my soul cry out for the Almighty.

Nothing compares to the Spirit of the Lord.

The peace that I embody seemed so far away.

But now, it freely remains without downcast shadow.

Nor is it hindered by the ever suppressed expressions of my offenses.

No longer do the utterances of insolent words torment me.

My heart sings of the sweet melodies from the loving voice of my King.

The cares of loneliness and the need for physical warmth no longer have hold on my spirit.

For now the peace is overwhelming.

I stand in awe of You.

You free me from my iniquities.

Your strength empowers me in all my weakness.

My life is challenged and stretched by you.

I fail time and time again.

But your grace is sufficient for me.

If life could simply reflect the artistry of all that you are, then why have I ever doubted?

Your hands formed me in the womb of my mother.

Perfectly knit together in the carefully formed aperture of a woman.

How could I forget the greatness in all that you are?

A true picture of refinement.

When my being grew from a small child into a young lady, there were so many mistakes.

So much heart ache and much shame.

My heart knew no solace and it churned in silent misery.

My young heart could only take so much until it yearned for death.

It was there in the dark depravity of my malicious heart, You picked me up.

It was then when I realized how foolish I had been.

When I realized how much I needed you, how much you loved me.

Jesus you healed my wounds.

You ripped me from my complacency and formed a new creature.

Eternally your refined delight.

You have my heart.

Fat

School is out for the summer.

My mind is whirling with thoughts as I sit in my living room.

Home.

I'm home now and It still hasn't sunk in.

Summer is here for me.

Which means I need to get a job...maybe two?

I need to get busy so I can keep my mind off of things.

For some reason I keep thinking about what I need to change about myself.

I'm constantly trying to find something else I can change.

Why is it that I have the hardest time changing the most important things?

Maybe it's because it hurts too much.

I have no idea.

But this summer I want to get in shape, save for a car, and possibly get a web cam.

These are three things I am looking forward to.

But how will I accomplish these goals?

Work, work, work...I guess.

Must save more than I spend.

That in itself will be a HUGE goal and a great task for me.

I need to be wiser with my money.

I'm sick of being such a sissy.

I'm not responsible enough with my money or with working.

I want to have money so I can do stuff and pay off college debt.

And yet I fail to make up for this!

*sigh*

Other things have been on my mind a lot too.

Especially today and last night.

This is what I'm sick of: SHALLOW PEOPLE

I'm tired of it.

Why can't people just see the beauty within a person?

I see it.

I have a hard time seeing it within myself at times, but I still find it.

Sometimes I feel like I'm all alone in this.

As if I'm the only one who actually cares.

I'm sick of this body that I'm in.

I don't want to obsess or belittle.

I'm just so worn out with this thing that I'm trapped inside.

This waste of oxygen.

I need to be healthier.

Better.

I don't hate myself, I just want to improve it.

Make sense?

Maybe I'm some kind of crazy, but I really need this.

I just don't know how to get it.

I'm so fed up with trying and failing.

I hate that I can't seem to change my body.

This ridiculous blob that has overtaken my REAL body is suffocating me.

It's killing me physically and spiritually.

I need to be free from this thing.

I'm not trying or wanting to lose weight so I can get a guy, or so I can look "hot."

I want to lose this weight, so that I can do more, wear more styles, feel free!

So that I can look at myself in the mirror and be confident that I am truly me.

I want to lose weight so I can be taken seriously.

This journey begins today.

-Healthy weight loss-

Procrastination Station

I almost feel as if time has played a trick on me.

It has slipped through my fingers into the expanse of sands below.

Where has my life gone?

Speeding so quickly toward the month of May.

This month is almost gone and my mind is slightly freaking out.

Procrastination has played it's evil game.

I am afraid that I might lose this battle.

I pray I'll win the war.

Suffocation.

Compressed every part of me wriggles with anxiety.

Stretching, pulling, never quite causing a tear.

What is this complacency that has overtaken this cavity?

Feelings, emotions, opinions, ideals, lies, truths, reality, and fantasy.

Where do dreams fade into realities?

Not before circumstance that confines the mind and clouds judgement.

Not before the heart is weighed down in heavy sorrow.

Not before the mind is challenged and the will mocked.

Not before trials that break the very creature that you are.

Should we feed off of insecurities and desolation to feel like we're alive?

No.

Dreams do not fade into realities.

Dreams can only stay dreams or become your reality.

There is no fading.

Dreams cannot become your reality until you have worked for them to become your reality.

You will suffer.

It will be hard.

At times you will feel like there's no end to the misery.

Failure is not an option, but it seems to haunt and seek you around every corner.

Success is not measured in all that you do, but in the power of overcoming.

Dreams will stay dreams unless the will of God is at hand.

Follow the Shepherd.

Don't be afraid to destroyed for Christ.

We are His workmanship, created for His glory.

Honor it.

I must honor Him.

In everything.

Insomnia of My Heart

I couldn't sleep last night.

My eyes desired rest, but sleep was withheld from them.

It was a curse.

All of me wanted to drift off into slumber.

But none of me would allow.

My mind raced with thoughts.

Tormented by my inability to control my internal self.

It seems that the late hours of the night are the scariest.

My greatest fears feast on my insecurities.

I could hear it all day, "You're beautiful."

And still forget it.

How I yearn for it to stick.

My heart craves companionship, and my thoughts rear from common sense.

I believe I am lost in the midst of things.

I know the truth, I know how I should feel, I know what I should do.

But parts of me don't want to conform.

Those are the things that keep me from fully coming alive.

Confidence is key.

I must have confidence in who I am.

Confidence in who Jesus Christ is.

Confidence in what God has for me-the plan I desperately need to follow.

Therefore I will step out in faith today, and believe that God does have that man of God waiting for me.

We're just not ready yet.