Empty, Empty, Empty

Emptiness.

So many questions that I feel cannot be answered.

God you fill me up and give me hope.

I am so safe in you.

Vulnerability is terrifying.

I never have let a single person in.

Not truly.

I often feel as if I am lost in a pretend version of myself.

I find that here I can be mostly myself.

But I haven't been able to open a part of me that I have kept hidden for so long.

This is so complexing.

I believe I'm ready, but I have to respect myself and give myself a chance.

Lord, I can now see why you never allowed me to have anyone else before.

I should be good at patience by now.

It shouldn't be so hard, but waiting....

and waiting...

and waiting...

and more waiting..

Seems to be the theme here.

I can hardly eat.

My stomach always feels empty......full of knots.

Gah.

I don't really know what to think.

Not at all.

I really feel like completely ignoring everything.

Just forgetting about it.

God why??????

Why am I like this??!!!

I can't help but laugh at myself.

This is the first time that I can't figure someone out.

What a blank stare I have.

I just need to listen to you and keep it real.

You are telling me to wait.

To be patient, to just be okay.

I need to listen, oh sweet Jesus....this is hard.

I don't know anything.

But I'm learning......