Here Lord, take it.

My mind is full of thought.

I truly cannot wrap my mind around this young lad who has entered my life.

He is seeming to be more and more awesome every time we talk.

It is still sinking in that he likes me.

Really, really likes me.

My heart races and butterflies dance in my stomach when I receive his messages.

I'm counting down the days until we can see each other at school.

But my head can't help but doubt, that this is for real.

My heart is too afraid to let him in.

Some day he won't be such a stranger to me.

But now, I'm just afraid of driving him away.

I want to be sure that he is truly what God wants for me right now.

That this developing relationship is of God.

Lord help me keep a clear mind.

Help me seek your truth in everything and that I focus on you even more.

I am in love with you God.

You alone have my heart.

Help me to not give it away to just anyone.

You have heard my cries and you see the ache in me.

God if this if from you, Lord...ease my worry.

There is nothing you do not see.

Nothing you cannot do.

Be with me now.

Lord I don't want to be one of those girls who falls for just anyone.

I am passionate about purity.

Passionate about you.

My heart leaps in joy for you are my everlasting King.

And you love me.

Help me to become a beautiful young woman of God.

Give me that deep unquenchable thirst for your presence.

For your truth.

I give this all to you God.

My everything.

Love, Michelle

Jesus

Sometimes in this life of mine, reality paints portraits of perfection.

But my fleeting mind runs a muck and implies lines of skewed complexion.

Tears fade from my eyes as the color of my fears take flight.

Sorrow has no place in my heart, for years of waisted bitterness and emotions that proved ill-equipped to satisfy the grumblings of my spirit.

The depths of my soul cry out for the Almighty.

Nothing compares to the Spirit of the Lord.

The peace that I embody seemed so far away.

But now, it freely remains without downcast shadow.

Nor is it hindered by the ever suppressed expressions of my offenses.

No longer do the utterances of insolent words torment me.

My heart sings of the sweet melodies from the loving voice of my King.

The cares of loneliness and the need for physical warmth no longer have hold on my spirit.

For now the peace is overwhelming.

I stand in awe of You.

You free me from my iniquities.

Your strength empowers me in all my weakness.

My life is challenged and stretched by you.

I fail time and time again.

But your grace is sufficient for me.

If life could simply reflect the artistry of all that you are, then why have I ever doubted?

Your hands formed me in the womb of my mother.

Perfectly knit together in the carefully formed aperture of a woman.

How could I forget the greatness in all that you are?

A true picture of refinement.

When my being grew from a small child into a young lady, there were so many mistakes.

So much heart ache and much shame.

My heart knew no solace and it churned in silent misery.

My young heart could only take so much until it yearned for death.

It was there in the dark depravity of my malicious heart, You picked me up.

It was then when I realized how foolish I had been.

When I realized how much I needed you, how much you loved me.

Jesus you healed my wounds.

You ripped me from my complacency and formed a new creature.

Eternally your refined delight.

You have my heart.

Fat

School is out for the summer.

My mind is whirling with thoughts as I sit in my living room.

Home.

I'm home now and It still hasn't sunk in.

Summer is here for me.

Which means I need to get a job...maybe two?

I need to get busy so I can keep my mind off of things.

For some reason I keep thinking about what I need to change about myself.

I'm constantly trying to find something else I can change.

Why is it that I have the hardest time changing the most important things?

Maybe it's because it hurts too much.

I have no idea.

But this summer I want to get in shape, save for a car, and possibly get a web cam.

These are three things I am looking forward to.

But how will I accomplish these goals?

Work, work, work...I guess.

Must save more than I spend.

That in itself will be a HUGE goal and a great task for me.

I need to be wiser with my money.

I'm sick of being such a sissy.

I'm not responsible enough with my money or with working.

I want to have money so I can do stuff and pay off college debt.

And yet I fail to make up for this!

*sigh*

Other things have been on my mind a lot too.

Especially today and last night.

This is what I'm sick of: SHALLOW PEOPLE

I'm tired of it.

Why can't people just see the beauty within a person?

I see it.

I have a hard time seeing it within myself at times, but I still find it.

Sometimes I feel like I'm all alone in this.

As if I'm the only one who actually cares.

I'm sick of this body that I'm in.

I don't want to obsess or belittle.

I'm just so worn out with this thing that I'm trapped inside.

This waste of oxygen.

I need to be healthier.

Better.

I don't hate myself, I just want to improve it.

Make sense?

Maybe I'm some kind of crazy, but I really need this.

I just don't know how to get it.

I'm so fed up with trying and failing.

I hate that I can't seem to change my body.

This ridiculous blob that has overtaken my REAL body is suffocating me.

It's killing me physically and spiritually.

I need to be free from this thing.

I'm not trying or wanting to lose weight so I can get a guy, or so I can look "hot."

I want to lose this weight, so that I can do more, wear more styles, feel free!

So that I can look at myself in the mirror and be confident that I am truly me.

I want to lose weight so I can be taken seriously.

This journey begins today.

-Healthy weight loss-